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Additional resources for A Man's Guide to Oral Sex: Your guide to incredible, exhilarating, sensational sex (The Secrets of Great Sex)
It helps to be able to talk with parents about their own childhood or adolescence when the time is right. It can shed light on family dynamics and on your own struggles with sexuality or body image. This can be a long journey as you share this with your mother, and therapy may certainly help. We often assume that our partner has similar views about sex or about his or her body when, in fact, the experiences may differ dramatically. Many of us have areas in our lives about which we are silent or ashamed.
But even if this isn’t the issue in your relationship, be sure to talk to your partner about your fears and discomfort. Trust him to understand the pressure that you feel to have the “perfect” body and that you will feel a bit self-conscious at first. Also explore with your partner your fear that this request will lead to other desires or fantasies of his and that you’re afraid you won’t feel comfortable with them. Allow your partner to know these important aspects of your sexual self. 30 CHAPTER 2 Unrealistic Messages about Sexuality The media provides many unrealistic messages about sexuality and relationships.
Julie went out with coworkers after work, and Jake thought that she seemed to be more interested in their company than in his. Jake found himself feeling some of the exact emotions that he had felt growing up—competition for attention, feeling awkward around Julie’s coworkers, comparing himself to other men and feeling that he didn’t measure up. Jake’s low self-esteem started to affect him sexually, as well. He felt unsure about Julie’s attraction to him and so he waited for her to initiate sex.